In this short series, I will offer some of my infinite wisdom on the subject of marriage. Let’s break that down a little.
Infinite: immeasurably great – hrm, I don’t know if that fits here, let’s see.
Wisdom: scholarly knowledge or learning – I have some knowledge through learning, but an expert, not even close to the next page passed the definition of an expert in the dictionary.
So, let me rephrase this, I will offer my knowledge developed through many short-lived, excruciating life experiences. In short, these are my opinions and theories, loosely based on my short experience with the subject matter.
Let me throw out the badly needed disclaimer here; I am in no way a licensed marriage counselor, nor a counselor in any way shape or form. Reading the sections of this series, is at your own risk. I deny any and all responsibility for any reactions, be it positive or negative, as a result of putting any theories written here, to any type of test in a relationship.
Now, can I please get back on my little soap box on the net? Thank you!
As some of you know, back in December, I did the “I do” dance. No, you didn’t see Marie Osmond and I twirling around a shiny dance floor, wearing ridiculously woven dance garb, on your overly priced, diode emitting, plasma spitting, “mine is bigger than yours”, holy crap I can see the screen from space, television.
I should add, It’s been a wonderful experience so far, in case my wife is reading this. Rule #1: always flatter thy wife.
Asked 2 years ago if I would ever embark on this treasured institution again, my answer would have been an emphatic “NO WAY!”, with an added series of expletives, such as “are you ****ing kidding me? NO ****ing WAY!”
Now, I’m here to disseminate some fact, fiction and a little conjecture about marriage, as seen through my eyes. I have completely different views on this subject from recent experiences.
Like a high wire act while juggling watermelons with blisters on your hands and smoking a non-filtered cigarette, marriage can be a very fragile balancing act. In retrospect, my opinion on marriage was that of “do my fair share” or do what I decided was “my fair share” and that should have sufficed. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. The fact of the matter is, your share will always be more, in a truly loving relationship. If both sides strive to achieve that, your marriage will always be da bomb!
You should always put your significant other first and foremost in all situations, and by this I mean, ask yourself “how this will affect your relationship with your significant other?” How will it impact the other person in general? If you can answer these questions in a positive light, you’ve just passed the first marriage test. Wait, wait, wait, don’t act on that alone, that is only phase one.
Phase two is to ask yourself the same questions, but this time, you are the central figure in the answers. The answers being either positive or negative in this phase directly affect phase one, so be very careful here, hence the start of the juggling act. Rule #2: “I” is now “We”, get used to it.
Some people ( guys), are afraid to help out around the house for fear of being seen as a weakling or less macho. This is a fallacy in my eyes. I like to cook, so I cook when I can and my wife truly appreciates it when I do. I like to think I’m a good cook. No, not of Emeril Lagasse stature, but not a bad cook nonetheless. Let me put it this way, neither of has been hospitalized as a result of my cooking. Phew!
I do vacuum, make the bed on occasion (although we are both lax in the bed making department), do the dishes (by hand I might add), and occasionally throw in a load of laundry. My wife might like to inject a big old “When?” on the subject of laundry, but I have been known to throw in a load here and there. So guys, get off you posterior and chip in a little more you’ll be happy you did. Rule #3: When you think you’ve done your fair share, do some more!
I will end this segment here, and always remember “life is what you make of it”.
Tune in next time for some more rules, fiction and a little fact peppered with fun, a pinch of realism and a dash of sarcasm.
Cheers!
Chuck
